Wednesday, December 12, 2012
December is always a month of looking back for me. Did I accomplish what I set out to do? Did I achieve the goals I set for myself? Did I stay true to the word I felt was mine for the year?
So I started looking back and realized I didn't really set any goals this year.
That may sound terrible, but it was just the reality of my place in time back last January. My desire for the year had nothing to do with accomplishing pages of writing, but rather with reconnecting with my love for writing. I seem to have lost something of that in the push of trying to get books written.
Somewhere about midway through the year, I felt the word for me was "Don't strive." That's not the same as don't try, don't create, don't write, but don't strive so that the joy in the writing gets lost in the producing a product.
So have I been true to those "un-goals" I set for myself this year?
In some ways, yes. I have relaxed a bit. I have had some wonderful reconnections with my writing. Sometimes though, I still miss the joy I once had in playing with words. I am still wanting that essence to return to my writing life.
Health challenges with my parents have been a very real part of this year's journey. As I watch them in this last stage of life, my heart fills will a myriad of emotions. Sometimes it's hard to get past them to write. Sometimes they are the impetus to write. I find that I need to give myself a bit of room, not expect so much of myself on these days. Life is happening right before me and I need to be part of it. And hopefully the writing will flow from it with a little more grace.
How about you? Are you looking back? If so, what have you found?